What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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