By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
