I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
