Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
