you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
