You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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