So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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