I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
