Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
