I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
