Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
