bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
