so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
