So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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