We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
