Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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