Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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