I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
