We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
