I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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