he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Randomize
