U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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