another moral hangover. fuck.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
