Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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