I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
