you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
