Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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