Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Panties = found
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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