At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
