Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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