I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
