my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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