did you get engaged???
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
