Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
