I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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