I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
