Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
