You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
