Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
