Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
