I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
