he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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