This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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