respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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