apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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