I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
