My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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