Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
