i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
