and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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