He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
