I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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