This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
