i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The air taste purple.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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