just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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