this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
