This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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