Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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