Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
