Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
