You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
