i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
