I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
